3/3/09

Head Down, Charge Forward

Honestly, it wasn't even really writer's block. It was more of an anxiety thing. I would write, but I would be unhappy with what I wrote and trash it. It would be too whiney or too amature or lack any real merit. I have to remind myself that I have to keep writing, if only for writing's sake.

I've found it to be difficult, even in matters more relevant to my personal hobbies. Coming up with creative character ideas for tabletop RPGs has even become a headache, not because I don't enjoy the games, but because my head just feels... empty. Usually when I'm stumped for writing I just freewrite some stream of thought. Just typing out whatever comes to mind [as I am doing right now] usually gives me a topic that when dug out of the literary refuse can be refined into something mildly readable. But, at my last few attempts, the stream had run dry. I had a case of mental white noise. Music on, music off, different music, different lighting, none of these things seemed to help.

Honestly, I'm not totally sure what has changed now. I think being forced to write things for my creative writing class has helped some. Having some outside source of direction can give me some momentum, even if I end up changing directions when I turn to my own work. I rarely write poetry unless directed to do so, not because I don't enjoy it, nor because I dislike it, but moreso because I find it difficult without some sort of outside direction, in this case my assignments.

I find that unless I have a clear goal, I am generally unhappy with the results of mywork. I know this to be relatively common, having read dozens of entries by self-defeating artists and writers on the internet whining about how they haven't updated in a couple months because they aren't feeling inspired. I am legitimatly concerned that I am becoming this very beast.

Someone said something to me today. "You have to keep writing. Just keep writing, not for anyone, or anything, just because. It doesn't matter if it sucks. If you stop, you'll just have that much more difficulty getting started again." I need to go back and thank this individual if we ever meet again.

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